The Family Stone

Its amazing to think that at almost 23 I am realizing something as possibly profound as this.

My whole life I have had people telling me what to think about other people, and what to feel about their actions and how they affect my life. And by people I mean my family.

When your parents go through a bitter divorce when you are 5 years old you grow up in a world of calculating adults whose best intentions are thinly veiled under the guise of "...the best for the child."

I grew up navigating endless webs and mazes of hidden agendas.

And here, now, all I can do is forget it. Its not worth unravelling. Its not worth the effort. I can't begin to fathom who was the bad guy and who was the good guy in every moment that traumatized me and haunts me still to this day.

All I can do is accept the point in my life where I am at now ... and do my best to forge strong, loving relationships with each family member independent of everyone else's preconceived notions of them and the situation.

In particular, I really need to work on my relationship with my father and his wife. I've gone back and forth with him every day of my life. The truth is I don't want to see the day when I have to lay my father to rest not knowing who he was. I want to know my dad.

And his wife. He loves her. She is the mother of one of his children. She deserves a fair shot. And the last time I spent time with them she was truly pleasant and I enjoyed talking with her.

I need to be an adult about this. I wish my family had done the same while I was growing up.