I'm tired of this. For two years, now, I have slaved away on an airplane - and I have nothing to show for it. Literally, I don't have one dime. I'm tired of always being out of money. For 5 of the 6 last months - my bank account has been overdrawn by at least 100 dollars. I don't spend a lot of money. I've cut back on my expenses dramatically. And still, I'm out of money. I don't get paid for another 8 days. And somehow, I have to put gas in my car and feed myself with a bank account that has a balance of -$75.00. And this is every month. For at least one of the four weeks in a month I am always out of money. Oh yeah. I forgot to mention. I even work a second job.
So...I work at least 6 out of every 7 days. And I still can't afford to pay my bills. Much less feed and clothe myself. I'm fed up.
I love flying. Its the only thing I've ever wanted to do with my life. Become a flight attendant. Two years into it, though, its getting to the point where I wonder if its worth it. Is it worth it to be happy with my job and poor? I would love to move to a better airline. One that pays more money. But that means taking risks. First off, I lose all of my seniority. So I would initially take a paycut. Second off, few airlines actually make money these days. So I risk being at the bottom of a seniority list at an airline that may merge and/or furlough. I can't afford to be out of a job. Third off, lots of airlines don't pay for training. I can't imagine going for 7 weeks without a paycheck. I can't afford to live in those seven weeks - much less pay bills for an apartment/car I'm not using.
I don't have anything in my savings. Throughout the beginning of this year I had to empty my savings account just to keep myself fed.
This is so frustrating. And I feel trapped in this. I've thought a lot about getting my degree (finally) in elementary education. But I can't afford to go back to school. One more expense? I can't handle the ones I have now.
What do I do? Its not worth it to me to think beyond the next 8 days. The most important thing right now is figuring out how to put gas in my car so I can get to work (frustrating, because I don't make any money when I'm there) and how to feed myself while I am on the road.
Seriously. This has to end quickly. Because I can't keep doing this.
Once again, I've failed. Once again, I am realizing the consequences of my foolish decisions. Why, at 20 years old, stay in college when you can have your dream job? I chose the dream job. And look where it got me. I'm stuck in a nightmare.
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Tony, I feel for you. Wish I were Bill Gates and could give you a grant to go back to school and get that degree. Can't do that, but I can pray. And I hope that you can find someone in your network of acquaintances to help with guidance and wise counsel. You are young and have time to make changes - but it does take some confidence and risk-taking. I just blogged yesterday (www.xanga.com/carleton1958) about my friend who quit his job and moved to California. He saved up $2000 before the move, going to live with a cousin until he finds a new job. Think of any friends or relatives you might be able to live with until you get grounded in a new job, or find a roommate to help make ends meet. But count me in your prayer network and keep me updated. Jeff
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