Worship In Hotel Rooms

I am doing my best to hold on. I've let the regret and shame and guilt over the paths I used to walk burden myself with fear. Fear that God is not big enough. Fear that even He can't understand the natural wonderings and shortcomings of the feeble human mind. And I can't keep doing that. Its time to start trusting. Its time to start LIVING like I believe, rather than saying I do and hoping for the best.

Years ago, did I have a time of trial and tribulation? Who hasn't. I've had them daily. But this is the one I return to over and over in my mind. I know I was confused. I know was angry. I know I was a rebellious teenager. A foolish child, perhaps. But God is bigger than all of that. And in my weakest moments where, instead of turning to God, I turned to my own devices - thinking I could do it on my own - He made it very clear I couldn't. Did it take time? Yes. Am I sorry for that time? Of course, I am. But I have to trust that the end result is still the same. He still brought me home. He still showed me I needed Him. Would He do that then, and then again this past October, to abandon me now? I think not. I just have to believe He wouldn't. I have to believe that He understands the defenses my mind and heart put up against all things that caused conflict in my life back then. And I'm sorry that I labeled "God" as one of them. But I have to believe He forgave me long ago, and I have to believe I am STILL a Child of God. I am STILL His chosen creation. I just have to believe that. I just pray that I will be His in this life and the next. I pray that the fear and worry I hold myself down with will be lifted. I should rejoice in my life in Christ. I should not fear it or wonder if it could really still apply to me.

I've been told over and over the answer is "Yes". I just have to believe.