Its simple. I continue to come to grips with my 'past' and I dislike myself more for it everyday. I feel foolish. I feel shamed. I know I let myself down. I know I let God down. And in moments when I am all alone, I have a hard time believing He could still love me. I have a hard time believing He could forgive me.
But I know He does. I know thats why Jesus died on the cross. For me. For my sins. He knew on that cross, long before I was here, why he was dying there. And it was for me.
Its beautiful. Redemption is beautiful. Grace is beautiful. Mercy is beautiful. I wish I could say I required very little of it, but that would be a lie.
I learned a very important lesson this past week. All sinners can be restored to God's favor by Jesus' death on the cross. Every one of them. Even me.
And in order to do so I must do two important things.
First, I must repent. I must apologize, and I must turn away from the sin. Completely. And I am trying to. I am honestly trying to.
Second, I must receive forgiveness. I am forgiven. I just have to accept it and believe it and live by it.
Thats the hard part. I know in my heart I am forgiven. Now I just need to get my mind to know that, too.
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2 comments:
I read through Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John not too long ago. Perhaps I mentioned this before, but I was overwhelmed by what was in those books. I mean, we've both grown up in church...we've heard SO much from those four books, but I was still surprised by how powerful Christ's words are.
The thing that was the most overwhelming about reading through those books was how AWESOME God's LOVE is. Just that simple.
He does love you. Very, very much. No matter what you did or will do--He loves you. That's overwhelming.
I continue to pray for you.
He does forgive you through his grace and mercy and love. It is hard to accept and you feel guilty and that is even more proof that he does forgive you. Because you are heartly sorry.....he forgives you. This is when the devil will work hardest against you. Stay strong and pray hard.
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