Sick Inside

I am literally sick & tired. The snowstorm throughout the northeast this past week really messed up my work schedule. After getting stranded in Minneapolis for two days, multiple rolling delays, sitting at airports for 8 hours plus with no pay, flight cancellations, and mechanical problems - I am exhausted.

I have done so incredibly well this winter with not getting sick. I can't even remember catching a cold this winter. I've been making a rather large effort to stay on top of my sleep, to eat healthier and to drink lots of water. But this week just wiped me out. And now I can feel myself coming down with something.

I turn into a huge baby when I'm sick. I hate being sick. I hate feeling achey. I hate feeling feverish. I hate feeling congested. And worst of all, I hate taking care of myself when I am sick.

Last night, as I was lying in bed, I wanted nothing more than to have someone to cuddle up with and feel better with. I wanted someone to hold, and someone to hold me.

Part of me wanted my ex there with me. I suppose it is natural to long for the last person you dated? I don't know.

I'm doing my best to keep moving forward. I'm doing my best to spend more time with God every day.

I'm doing my best to give in to wanting my last relationship back.

But being sick, and wanting him there with me, only serves as a reminder of everything that I gave up that was tangible.

And what I received in return doesn't seem to be tangible. But that doesn't mean it isn't worth the effort.

So here is to being sick, tired, and lonely.