I feel lost. I feel alone.
For the last three years, I have talked to my best friend every night before falling asleep. Its a ritual. And anytime between waking up in the morning and falling asleep again at night that we needed one another - we called.
No one has called me the last couple of nights before I've fallen asleep. When I get off my airplane late at night, there is no voicemail hoping I had a good day and telling me to call after my plane lands.
I miss him. I miss my best friend. I don't have anyone to turn to now to tell the mundane details of my everyday life. No one to turn to when I need someone to cheer me up.
And even worse, I have no one to turn to when this new path I'm walking gets too rough.
I feel like I have no one to turn to for support or guidance or advice. I know he and I weren't exactly on the same page when it comes to my new direction of life. But until a couple of days ago he was right there beside me. It was nice just having someone there beside me.
I feel very broken. I don't feel like a complete person anymore. I don't know who I am anymore.
Everything that defined my life up until now is gone.
What do I do now?
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2 comments:
i can't really say everything i'd like to say via this dinky blog comment, but i hope it comes across to you with all the love and compassion that i have for you right now.
i know that it's hard. of course, i don't know exactly how you feel (who ever does, really?), but i've felt that kind of loss. that pain. that frustration, that "where do i go from here?!" feeling.
you aren't alone. the One who called you to this new way of life is not going to abandon you. He will carry you when the going gets tough.
i hope you know that i truly am here for you. i've been continually asking God to grace you through prayer, and i really hope i get to see you over Christmas.
lean on Him when nothing else feels right or makes sense. He will catch you. i promise.
love love love,
steph
i couldn't agree with steph more... anthony, you're so precious to your father in heaven... he loves you so much he gave up his own precious son for YOU and he's calling you into this beautiful new life... i promise the pain is worth it if you press on... i've BEEN THERE. i know the pain, i know the struggle in the journey. keep walking, brother. and i am only a phone call away... please call if you want to check in. i'm very busy, but i'm not too busy for your call. - todd :)
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