Please, Don't Hate Me

Two nights ago, I took one of the hardest steps I needed to take to set out on this journey I wish to travel on.

I broke up with my boyfriend.

He has been my best friend for the past three years. When we began our romantic relationship, I weighed the pros and cons of putting that friendship on the line for romance. I thought to myself that nothing could be better than dating and possibly spending the rest of my life with my best friend.

Little did I know. A part of me died two nights ago when I told him that we couldn't be together. I'm not ready to walk out of his life and I certainly don't want him to walk out of mine. But I understand that while I've made a conscious decision to transform our relationship from a romantic one to a platonic one - the same cannot easily be expected of him.

I called him yesterday to say "hi." Their was so much pain and so much hurt in his voice. I cried after we hung up the phone. I cried for what I lost. I cried for what I stole from him. I cried for what I'm putting him through.

He didn't ask for any of this. He doesn't deserve any of this.

I love him. I always have. This love takes many shapes. Brotherly love. The love shared between two friends. Romantic love.

Someone once told me that God intends love between two men to be brotherly love. He never intended love between two men to be romantic. I suppose I need to diligantly work to look at my love for my boyfriend as nothing more than the love I would share with a brother.

This will take time. I could never demand he do the same for me. But I hope that he will.