Would She Be Happy

I have so many varying thoughts on the new direction my life is taking. As I worked my last trip this past week, I was out in Salt Lake City and watching all the young couples with their first child in tow. I want children. The more I think about it, the more I want them. And I want a girlfriend. And then a wife.

All in time. I know I'm not ready to instantly begin dating the opposite sex again. And yes, I did say again. Prior to turning 17 and dating exclusively men, I had several (many?) girlfriends. And I can remember being incredibly attracted to them. I can remember being turned-on by them. I can remember being completely in love with at least one of them. But that is another story, entirely.

As I watched the men and women walking around with their significant others and their children, I began to wonder. Could any woman love me enough to look past my inability to provide for her?

I love what I do. I truly cherish every moment I get to be at work. I have always loved flying, and to become a flight attendant was a dream come true for me. But it is not the most lucrative career track. My pay will, of course, get better over time. But currently I make about $25,000 a year. And after taking out my college loans, and working to eliminate previous debt from the years following my leaving home, I am living paycheck to paycheck.

I fear sometimes that that will not change. And it makes me wonder whether or not I have the ability to provide, eventually, for a family. I hope so.

Perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself. Perhaps I'm just being realistic. I hope to one day find the answer.